I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
