i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
