about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
