He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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