if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
