**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
