We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
