I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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