Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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