I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
