Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
