Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
