Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
