When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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