i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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