I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
