i will never coherently bang her
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize