Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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