shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
