The maid of honor just puked.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
