we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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