The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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