i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
