so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
