Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
