Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
