I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I met the friendliest cop last night
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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