you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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