The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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