We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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