we made out on top of his cat.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
