the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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