Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I just went to clothing optional bar
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
