All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
