Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize