Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
