Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
