I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
