You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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