Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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