It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You ate ashes out of my bong
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
