Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
