hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize