Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
