I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
handjob tips. give me some.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think I just sharted jello shots
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