the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
