You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
