well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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