you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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