God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
