She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
