Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sext me about skeletons
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
