I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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