oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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