I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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