Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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