Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
