Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
