So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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