I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
