the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
