I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
