just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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