I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
