Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
