NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
