I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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