she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
