Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
