plz talk dirty to me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
